I need to say something in a very public way…and at risk of embarrassment.
This was a tough week.
I totaled my car and sold a business. Both I had for close to 9 years; each acquired with excitement and optimism and now ending in uneventful, sad ways. My accident was a nothing rear end crash into the back of an SUV; scratches to her bumper, a crumpled front-end to my car. I drove away sad knowing that it would cost more to fix than the car was worth. It is only a car, I know, but it was the one material possession I own that gave me tremendous satisfaction. It now sits alone, partially dismantled and waiting to meet its demise. Time for a new car.
The sale of the business, a small franchise, was not so sudden. It took years to get to this point and truth be told, I should have shut it down years ago. It never really made money and became a personal and financial drain on me, especially in the last 3-4 years. Over time, I drew numb to the low level of stress it created inside that I forgot it existed. I was blind to what it was doing to me mentally, physically and how it truly impacted my professional career and the most important relationship in my life.
So on Friday at a bank, after weeks of preparation, I quietly signed some papers, exchanged keys for a check and it was over. No celebration, nothing to feel good about; only relief. I cannot begin to describe the intense wave of emotion I experienced afterwards. I literally could not speak. Like a 100 lb. weight rising off my chest and shoulders, I physically felt lighter and I was overcome with intense feelings I had suppressed for years.
I once read that you cannot bring new things into your life until you remove current ones that occupy your energy, time, resources etc. I believe that. The vacuum left inside gives me space to breathe easier and think clearer. I am full of hope and optimism regarding my next move. Unfortunately, the reminders of this life lesson learning experience will stay with me for a long time. There are some mistakes in life you never stop paying for and this is mine to own. I failed big and the wounds run deep.
So, I am writing this to declare that it is time for me to let go, forgive myself, forgive the situation and move forward. I have failed many times personally and professionally and have picked myself up, dusted off and moved forward. This time is no different. I am able to take a big leap forward without hesitation, without looking back. I may not be able to simply forget the past, but I will do my best to stay present and not look back in order to forge toward the future.